Tag: Moments

The “Whatever It Is” Life

Yesterday my kids held their annual pumpkin carving session. Because buying a pumpkin for every family member in a household of seven puts something of a strain on the already holiday stretched budget, they team up. Boys get one pumpkin, girls get the other. As you can imagine, this is not a situation that leads to peace.

What pictures will we carve? Everyone has a different idea. Something scary! No, something silly. An elaborate design far too advanced for childish hands. Can’t we just use something from the book? And the squabbling begins. Who gets to carve which part? Who has to scoop out the seeds? Mom confiscates the knife and removes the stem herself to prevent accidental stabbings.

The results are… interesting. What is it? No one knows. No one cares. Destruction and creation went hand in hand, the dream come true of every kid. Whatever it is that was created, it is unique, holding a piece of each young participant in its creation.

Like life. There is no cookie cutter life. Each individual adds a piece of themselves to each day, a slice here, a scrape there. Sometimes the bits overlap, sometimes they fail to intersect at all. Sometimes the contributions seem to clash, making no sense together, because the contributors could not agree. Each wants a different design for life, and each sees a different outcome. The result cannot be identified with certainty, leaving an unbeautiful “whatever it is” to reveal the glow within its heart.

In the end it doesn’t matter. Despite the squabbling and the chaos, not one kid was disappointed with the end results. They couldn’t wait to light them up and show the world their delight. Our squabbles and our chaos bind us together, carving something out of this crazy “whatever it is” life we can only appreciate when we step away and let the light shine through.

Seeing God

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Three teachers scheduled back to back have no contact before the date, but all deliver the same message from three unique perspectives.

A child prays for another person for no apparent reason, and shortly afterward his parents find out the person was sick or injured.

An unexpected medical bill empties the bank account, but the next day a friend hands you a check just because they thought about you and wanted to bless you. They had no idea you were broke.

A barren woman approaching old age becomes pregnant and gives birth to a healthy child.

A broken man, drowning in sin and pain, is offered hope and love instead of condemnation by his victim.

A teenage girl faces imprisonment and abuse because she was caught reading the Bible. She teaches her fellow prisoners the scriptures from memory.

A child steps between a bully and his victim.

A dog, old and infirm, lives years longer than expected during a time when his family endured great pain and confusion.

A family’s old house doesn’t sell for years, preventing the family from becoming homeless when the new home is lost.

A lonely couple ask permission to play Santa to your children. The only stipulation is that no one ever knows who they are, especially the kids.

A little girl, enslaved by the enemy, saves her captor’s life.

You turn the radio on and the first song you hear brings your tears because it says exactly what you feel.

You make a spur of the moment shopping trip and run into a friend, only to find out that at the moment you realized you had to shop your friend was praying desperately for a comforter to be sent to them.

When the city was surrounded by an enemy army and the prophet’s servant lost all hope, the prophet prayed only that the servant’s eyes be opened. When the servant looked up, he saw an army of fire filling the city and covering the mountain on which it stood. The enemy was not only outnumbered, but outmatched. The servant just hadn’t been able to see God working.

God’s hand is everywhere. We only need to open our eyes.

Mr. Meanie

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“I was yelling at Mr. Meanie! He just WON’T! LEAVE! ME! ALONE! I can’t do anything right anymore!”

The above came from my tearful, sobbing seven year old son. He had thrown his playthings and rushed to his room growling like a cornered tiger. To an outsider it might have looked like a temper tantrum, but tantrums are intentional and controlled. In that moment my son was helpless, trapped by his own mind and desperately screaming for help. This is the face of OCD.

My son is bright and beautiful. He can build anything he can imagine with Legos. He knows more than I ever realized existed about dinosaurs. He loves Godzilla and could probably provide sound effects for the movies with his imitation skills. He has a gift for finding the lonely and offering love. He adores his little sister and, though they fight like cats and dogs, will demolish anyone else who dares to offend her.

One tiny part of that beautiful little brain malformed. A section of neurological wiring has a short. Thoughts that feel like his but are not, unbidden and unwelcome feelings, and unwilled behaviors originate in that shorted out, alien knot. Chemical help can mute them to a whisper. Therapy can provide strategies for working around the shirt in the wiring. Nothing will ever make them go away. His whole life will be a battle with Mr. Meanie, the alien inside.

For now, we turn off the lights and snuggle on the bed, his head on my chest and his hand clutching my arm. Worship music plays from my phone, his choice, soft and soothing in its reminder of a love that bears his pain. He doesn’t fully understand it yet, but he can feel it, and his tension fades. We have quieted Mr. Meanie. For now.

The Lens

Savannah groaned. Here she was, supposed to be photographing this society fundraiser, and the camera lens was dirty. Again. She reached in her bag for the lens cloth.

After a meticulous wipe that covered every square millimeter of glass, she nodded with satisfaction and lifted the camera again. She snapped a candid of a bored looking brunette and her plasticized escort. Was that a smudge on the digital display? No, it was the stupid lens again.

The cloth went to work again. This time she sprayed the lens with cleaner and shoved the cloth into the edges with her fingernail, digging. She inspected the results with a frown and looked around for her next subject. Just in time. The host was taking the stage for the official welcome. She raised the camera.

Was that a speck? Man, that thing was huge; her boss would fire her if that thing showed up in print! That did it. There was no way she was taking any more pictures until that lens was clear. She sat down in the nearest chair and peered closely at the camera.

It had to be so small the naked eye couldn’t see it for her to be missing it so badly. The camera would obviously make it look bigger, like looking through a microscope. She breathed on the lens to fog it and pored over the results. There, did it look like the fog didn’t settle in that spot?

The world shrank. The camera lens filled her vision. That had to be a streak. And was that dust? She wiped, sprayed, wiped again. She had to get perfect pictures; her job was on the line. If she didn’t get this fixed soon the fundraiser would be over. That lens certainly was filthy.

Green

It was June’s favorite spot at Maggie’s. The little antique shop on the square held everything from forgotten toys to glassware odds and ends, and the collection changed almost daily. Surrounded as it was by designer stores and expensive restaurants, Maggie’s was an unlikely success, but the window display stopped traffic every time.

She asked Maggie once why an old broken shelf covered with mismatched pots, cans, and boxes full of succulents. Other stores displayed the most appealing of their wares, carefully arranged and enticing. What did an unchanging window full of plants have to do with antiques?

Maggie had smiled mysteriously, and said to meet her three streets over an hour before opening the next morning. June was curious enough to agree, and the two of them joined the already bustling sidewalk throng as the pavement began to warm beneath their feet.

For an hour they walked up and down streets, dwarfed by metal and glass that reflected rather than blocked the sun. They cut through shaded brick alleys that smelled of yesterday’s trash and unwashed bodies. They peered in windows full of human imaginings. Then there was Maggie’s.

In a sea of gray, brown, and blinding, all June could see was green. It drew her, a smile widening across her hot face. The broken wood, the mismatched containers, all disappeared in that living cascade of color. June glanced at Maggie, who put her finger to her lips and turned the key. June was the last of a dozen smiling hustlers to enter and breath a slow deep breath of sudden peace.

Polaroid Moments

Last week was long. My husband and I had so many responsibilities and obligations that our days began to blur together. There wasn’t enough time for daily chores or time with kids, and certainly not enough time for fun.

We ended the week with a wedding. My husband officiated, my five year old participated, I monitored kids, and the kids were stuck tagging along with nothing much to do. By the end of the day we were too tired to do much more than sit and stare. But there was the polaroid photo booth.

Such a simple thing. A few old hats and old fashioned handbags. Costume jewelry. Thrift store elbow gloves. A little attitude. And a moment of fun so desperately needed.

The polaroid photo looks a little bit like our busy week. It’s blurry, scarred, and has glaring spots where the exposure was too high. It’s the perfect vessel to capture that simple, silly, crazy, exhausted moment. It’s perfect for our life. Here’s to more polaroid moments.

Inexorable

He had lived his entire life in its shadow. Gazing up its sides with jaws agape like the tourists he ferried. Losing himself in the whispering roar of its invisible flow.

His boat had been a favorite; no one knew the glacier like he did. Every pop, every boom, was a message. His passengers returned again and again for the thrill of watching the birth of icebergs, the formation of bridges, and the crumbling of secret worlds.

When not on the boat he had walked the white expanse of its surface. He could walk the same path every week for a year and never become bored. Crevasses opened and sealed. Turquoise pools formed and drained and left intricate honeycombed tunnels that summoned impotent longing. Caves appeared and just as magically vanished again as snow became ice and slid to its eventual doom.

Ten years ago he had ferried his last load of gasping, camera happy tourists. His body, like the ice, cracked and moaned under the weight of time passing, and at eighty-two, the crevasses in his memory formed honeycomb of their own. But he remembered the glacier. She had been the love of his life. He had pored over her ever-changing yet changeless face every day for sixty years, extolled her unpredictable beauty to hundreds of thousands who marveled with him. He remembered the glacier.

Going to the Circus

Let’s go to the circus, Leo! I want to see the elephants dance, don’t you? And the pretty ladies on the big swings! Those are my favorite. I ‘m gonna be one of those pretty ladies when I’m big. Cause I like to swing, too! Don’t you like to swing, Leo? Maybe tomorrow you can swing with me.

Maybe they’ll let you be in the circus. I bet you’d be the best lion they ever had. Don’t be scared of the guy with the big black rope that makes loud noises. He won’t hurt you. He just has to make everybody think he will. You just roar and wave and we’ll all clap real hard.

Do you think there’ll be clowns? I’m kinda scared of those. They smile weird. They do make fun balloons, though, and I like those. Maybe, if you hold my hand really tight, I won’t be scared when a clown gives me one.

Can you see the big tent yet, Leo? We’ve been walking a long time and I’m tired. I thought we’d get there faster, didn’t you? I’m hungry, too. I bet Mommy has some animal crackers. Let’s go home and have some. Then all the animals can be in our own circus! Won’t that be fun, Leo? Come on, let’s run!

The Square

It was an odd place, cobblestone streets and medieval plaster houses confusingly paired with modern storefronts and colorful canvas awnings. Agatha loved it. Every birthday and anniversary, she insisted we have lunch at the little bistro on the tiny mishmash of a square.

The city had long since turned the houses into a retirement village, which meant that the crowds tended decidedly toward the downward side of the hill, if you know what I mean. I asked Agatha on one birthday somewhere in her early thirties why she preferred the square to any of the popular and romantic downtown spots. She said she couldn’t think of anything more romantic than the square.

Agatha loved watching people, and I loved watching her, so I rarely saw what she saw. But that day she made me pull my chair next to hers and look out over the square. She showed me the couple at the next table whose wrinkled fingers entwined as they sipped black coffee from plain mugs. She showed me the elderly man pushing his wife around in her chair while she chattered excitedly about the window displays in the little shops. She showed me the three sisters with bobbed hair and oversized handbags who made the same round of the square every day, just for the chance to be together.

For thirty years she made me promise we would retire to the square. She never saw her wish come true. Today would have been her 65th birthday, and for thirteen years I have ridden the elevator from my fourth floor plaster-walled apartment to sit under the green umbrella in front of the bistro. Now I watch the young people who occasionally visit, wondering what they are thinking, what Agatha would have made of them. They are different these days, yet the same. I wonder if one day that boy with eyes for only one person will sit here fifty years from now, and hope that bright-eyed girl he adores will be holding his hand over a mug of coffee.

The Box

She closed the door slowly, keys slipping from her fingers to the entryway table with an absurdly loud clatter in the silent house. A light showed dimly under the kitchen door and her feet moved automatically in that direction.

Her hand slid across the door as she pushed it open and a broad swath of light broke the endless night of the hallway. The overhead lamp blazed above the breakfast table, showing off the place settings for two ready for the next morning’s date. She touched the edge of one plate, fiddling with the paper napkin hanging slightly over.

She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed heavily before looking to the center of the table. Pink roses lay in no particular arrangement around a tiny cardboard box tied with brown cord. Her hand shook as she reached for the box, and nerveless fingers bent the edge of the note stuck beneath the knot.

He should have been the one to open it. He should have been waiting for her as they had planned. It should have been the beginning of the rest of their lives. It wasn’t fair. A panicked urge to flee backed her into the door that had swung shut behind her, and she slid to the floor with the box crushed against face, dissolving slowly in unheeded tears.