A Child’s Mite

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Once when Jesus was teaching in the temple courtyard he watched people coming to leave their tithes in the treasury boxes. Apparently that had become something of a show, with large amounts being brought. I imagine that, considering Pharisaical policing of detail, a great deal of arguing and haggling over correct calculations occurred around the temple gates where the boxes stood. While all that display was going on, a beggar woman entered the courtyard. A widow with no family to care for her, she belonged to the ranks of the needy for whom those treasury funds were supposed to provide. She quietly moved to the boxes and dropped in two mites, tiny copper coins that equalled a fraction of today’s penny. When Jesus praised her faith as an example to his followers, He pointed out that those tiny coins were all she owned yet she offered them for others.

This morning my eight year old son dug into his wallet for money to give. He brought out a handful of wadded cash, including a ten dollar bill that I knew was a treasured possession. I asked him if he was sure, if he knew what was in his hand and really wanted to give it. His response was immediate. “Oh yes, I want to put my ten dollar bill in!” When the basket was passed, that ten and a few ones besides went in accompanied by a delighted grin. The almost empty wallet went back in his pocket and occasioned no further thought from its owner.

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Like the widow, my little son depends entirely on others for his needs. The money in his wallet is carefully hoarded from birthday gifts or “pay” for helping family members. Opportunities to increase that little stash are few and far between, but that never even entered his mind. In his mind, the money placed in that basket is a gift to God, and he wanted God to have all of it.

Both the widow and my son understood that something much greater than their mite covered their needs. They knew that God’s love holds far more power than a handful of cash or any physical wealth. In the simplicity of that trust, no room existed for questions or calculations. All that they thought of was what they could offer in love. What they truly offered was not two tiny coins or a ten dollar bill, and their gift filled more than a single moment. They offered a faithful heart and filled eternity with it.

Performance Worship

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The term “performance worship” appears frequently in certain religious circles, usually referring to specific behaviors or practices that carry emotional appeal. The term is something of an oxymoron, but the idea of insincere approach to God – of “performing” rather than offering – is far from neglected. God addresses this error in his people over and over throughout their history, and it looks very different from our usual definition.

When Saul faced the Philistines near Gilgal, the army he led was far smaller and less well equipped than that of the enemy. Samuel was delayed in arriving to appeal for God’s help, and some lost courage. Saul was so concerned that his ragtag soldiers would flee and he would lose his newly appointed kingship that he decided to perform a public sacrifice. He wasn’t concerned about God’s help; if he had been he wouldn’t have been worried about losing the army. He performed the ritual for his own benefit, to make himself look connected to God so that the soldiers would have more confidence in him and not run away. When Samuel did arrive shortly after this performance, he told Saul that it had cost him everything God had so carefully prepared for him. Offering the sacrifice was not wrong, any more than Samuel offering it was wrong. The sole difference lay in the fact that Saul’s act was one of performance rather than worship.

The prophet Micah wrote to the people of God during their height as a kingdom, yet he rebuked them. Temple life and ritual thrived, and the smoke of meat and incense rose constantly. Unfortunately, at the same time, rulers and judges took bribes and made decisions that increased their own power; priests and teachers worked for hire and said whatever made sure they would continue to be paid. They did all this claiming God’s authority and protection, using His Name and His proscribed rituals as a grand performance solidifying their position and control. Micah told them that no amount of blood or incense, not even the surrender of their own children, could convince God of their righteousness in that state. What He expected was both far simpler and far more difficult. They had to love Him more than themselves and place their trust in Him rather than in their own control.

The Pharisees in the time that Jesus walked the earth considered themselves the enforcers of law. They policed the smallest aspects of everyday life, demanding details that were not specified by God but that created an appearance of difference from “heathens.” They wore special clothes, recognized only teachers in specific hierarchies that had evolved from their own conceits, and quickly suppressed anything that even hinted at disagreement. Jesus called them whitewashed graves, and said they were like cups that had been polished outside but the inside had never even been washed. The Pharisees offered nothing of themselves to God; instead they performed dramatically to draw eyes to themselves and ensure their continuing stranglehold on the hearts and minds of the people.

This performance, this outward appearance, not only had nothing to do with holiness, but actively shut the doors of Heaven on souls who might otherwise have seen God. All the attention had been diverted; all the focus followed the wrong leader. Jesus said that such performers expended all their efforts on making converts, but that they weren’t converting souls for God; they were turning people into the children of Hell.

God isn’t looking for performers, for individuals who love ritual and law but have no love for God. He doesn’t care about traditions, even those intended to create an appearance of holiness. Those are performance, not worship. God wants hearts crushed under the weight of separation that reach out for Him in need and longing. He wants souls eager to see Him, so eager they never stop looking, so eager they see His work at every turn. He wants minds humbled by failure that beg for mercy. He wants people so filled with gratitude for salvation that they exude joy in every way that He created possible. He wants true worship that allows His light to shine in them like in Moses’ face on Mt. Sinai.

Squandering God’s Estate

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Jesus told a story of two brothers. The older brother fulfilled society’s expectations of a dutiful son. He worked alongside his father, maintaining and supervising the family estate. He never broke the rules, never disappointed his father, never neglected his responsibilities.

The younger brother was the family wild card. He chafed at responsibility and expectations, and when he reached manhood he demanded that his father hand over whatever his part of the inheritance would be worth so that he could go out on his own. He was sure he could find a better life for himself than drudging away under his father’s thumb. When his father, instead of rebuking his restlessness, gave him what he wanted, the young man traveled as far from home as he could get. With no one he had ever known to see or comment on his lifestyle, he indulged every desire and filled his life with every pleasure he could imagine.

On the surface the brothers look like polar opposites: one the responsible, respected son; the other rebellious, thoughtless, and selfish. But the story doesn’t end there, and the young men are both full of surprises. The younger brother woke up one day to find all of his money gone; he had done nothing to replenish his resources, had been entirely focused on his “good life” until he could no longer pay for his pleasures. Then, as drought set in and work was scarce, he took the most demeaning job in his society in the hard realization that he had wasted his truly good life. He had squandered every blessing ever given him, including that of a father who only wanted the best for him.

The older brother came home from working one day to find the house in a fever of celebration; the rebellious son had returned in humility and had been received with joy. The son who had been outwardly responsible and respectable immediately revealed his true heart, a knot of well-hidden resentment and rebellion. All the while he did what was expected, he hated responsibility, wished for the pleasure his brother pursued, and resented what he perceived as lack of appreciation from his father.

Both brothers shared the misunderstanding that their inheritance was a physical thing: money, possessions, etc. Neither understood their father’s love and provision for them as being his true estate. Both threw away, squandered, the relationship that was their father’s truest legacy.

Jesus told this story to Jewish leaders who complained that He welcomed sinful people into his presence. Those sinful people were the brother who had thrown everything away for his own pleasure, and who had been humbled and drawn back to the father’s embrace. The leaders were the “responsible” son who secretly harbored a rebellious heart. Neither those who had wasted their lives in rebellious lifestyles or those who prided themselves on outward righteousness had appreciated the love of God. They viewed God’s “estate” as an oppressive system of rules and demands; the only difference was whether they rebelled openly or secretly.

Jesus came to show us His true estate. He came to demonstrate the open arms of the father and the joy of belonging with Him. He came to show the difference in being a son and being a slave. Those who recognize the blessing of belonging to God approach Him with a longing to serve in gratitude and love, and receive the treatment of sons with awe and wonder. Those who see themselves as sons strictly because of their own outward fidelity, expecting privileges that ultimately get them out of such fidelity, behave like slaves. They throw away their inheritance for the sake of selfish pride.

The great news is that, no matter how we have squandered our portion, our condition is not final unless we make it so. The younger son was welcomed home with great celebration. The older son was reminded that he had always had access to what he sought, he had just been looking from the wrong direction. We will never stop being God’s children as long as we live, no matter how we waste our time and His chasing the wrong dreams. He will always be there to welcome us home. But why squander any of it? Why throw away a love, an eternal estate, so full as His?

God in the Moments

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This morning I woke up with a heart that felt like lead in my chest. The future lay in shadows that I could not penetrate, and I doubted even the point of me. I did not think anything I tried to do came to anything. I felt as if all my gifts from God were useless, extras in the grand scheme, discardable. I felt discardable.

I buried my head in my pillow with tears pouring down my face, and I cried to my God for answers. “Why does everything have to be so hard? Why does no one want what you gave me to give? What exactly is it that you want from me? Why am I failing?”

As I lay there, my husband wrapped his arms around me and spoke in my ear. He reminded me of our children’s answers to some recent questions, answers that filled me with awe at the hearts of children. Children who have seen God. “You are not pointless.”

The telephone rang, asking if the kids could interrupt their routine to haul firewood. A cold front is coming and hard workers were needed to lay in a good supply. The hard workers asked for were my children, because they would certainly get it done. It’s what they have been taught. “You are not failing.”

My tears still flowed, my heart still screamed, and I reached out to friends for prayer. Four dear sisters heard my cry and felt my pain. Messages flooded in; prayers, empathy, wisdom, and love filled my screen. “You have been called for a purpose.”

My husband remembered a lunch meeting with a brother. Their conversation turned to frustrations, doubts, and fears that this friend and fellow worker shared with us. Commonalities that would have continued to have been suffered alone otherwise. In the sharing perspective was discovered in each other’s struggle. “You are needed.”

Family called with an invitation to a donut feast. A loved dog had died and cheer was needed. Orders were taken, favorites recorded, and two dozen donuts purchased. The laughter of children, sticky fingers, and sugary faces followed a shared supper. Grief receded into togetherness. “You are wanted.”

I went to shower and turned on the radio as I often do. My daily shower provides a few minutes of reflection and music provides a focus. Words of faith and reassurance streamed like water over my head. All the feelings I had poured out to my Lord, all the answers given through the events of the day, culminated in those strains of praise. “You’re gonna be okay!” “I am not alone!” “I will trust in you!”

My heart still aches. The causes of my feelings still exist and will continue. But in my moments of pain God heard me. In the words of friends He was there. In the calls for help and fellowship He was there. In my quiet hours He was there. God is in all my moments, and in seeing Him there I can dry my tears. In His presence I find again my reasons and my joy.

Recession Christmas, Part 3: Hard Blessings

Part of Christmas tradition is the giving of gifts. It has been argued that this tradition has become too commercialized, that focus on gifts detracts from what is important. I certainly saw advertisements that missed the point and pushed the idea of social status rising from gift quality or price. However, the concept of giving gifts stems from the core of God’s nature and is one of the ways humans in our limited capacity can try to reflect Him in our lives.

Gift giving is one of our favorite family traditions, and rather than allow financial restrictions to cast shadows on our joy, we decided to let it motivate us to deeper intention. Wish lists became highlights of interests and favorites. The kids used their own money saved from birthday gifts and odd jobs for family to buy things like stickers or art supplies, or used their talents to make gifts to suit the receiver’s personality. I raided my fabric stash and used outgrown clothes to make hand-sewn treasures.

It was a simpler approach, reminiscent of a time when life was simpler, but there was nothing easy about it. Handmade gifts take time. A lot of time, squeezed between the usual chores and responsibilities that don’t vanish because holidays are coming. Artwork requires both work space and space for drying paint, which in our full little house means the dining table. Sewing with scraps and old clothes means working with materials that weren’t designed for small projects or for particular work with needle and thread. It means aching eyes and fingers from hours of close work creating straight, invisible stitches. Handmade gifts make surprises difficult, as everyone is working right in front of each other.

The hard tried to take over as Christmas drew closer, raising stress levels and encouraging distractions. Tears flowed, panic attacks occurred. It’s harder for adults to remember the important things than for kids, it would seem. It was the kids who kept us grounded with their excitement for everyone to open the gifts they had made.

When the time came to wrap everything and fill stockings, the true blessings began to be revealed. What we had feared would be a sparse spread had grown to as many or more packages as usual. They were small, but so much thought and effort had gone into every single one that they seemed larger than life. On Christmas morning, stockings that had felt underfilled were received with unmitigated joy. Sticker sheets and snacks produced reactions associated with gifts of gold and incense. Paintings and purses were pored over and strutted with as if made by the world’s finest creators.

Simplicity isn’t easy; it never was. In so many ways our lives are much easier now than when life was simpler. There’s nothing wrong with easy, but sometimes having everything at our fingertips makes us a little too focused on what we can have. Love isn’t about stuff or money, it’s about what we are willing to give up or go through for someone else. Nothing we did was extraordinary; our usually easy lives made hard begin to feel burdensome, but hard carried love that would never have been seen otherwise. Sitting in their little piles of love offerings, our kids declared our recession Christmas to be the best ever. They understood better than we did the blessing of love found in hard simplicity.

The Price of Easy

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My favorite story is the Tolkien’s _Lord of the Rings_. In that story, the ring possesses power to change and shape the world to the will of its maker, appealing to the deepest desires or fears of whoever holds it. At one point, Frodo tries to rid himself of that responsibility by offering it to the most powerful being remaining in Middle-earth, Galadriel the elf queen.

At the time, all Galadriel longed for was an end to evil in Middle-earth. The ring’s power whispered to her promises of success. All she had to do was wear it, become a goddess able to banish Sauron and shape the world with her own ideals. All would bow before her, it promised, following her command, and the world would be only good. For a moment she faltered, everything she had ever truly wanted seemingly at her fingertips. There would be no more war and suffering; life would be perfect and effortless. Easy.

The problem was that all the promises were a lie. The ring’s creator was entirely evil, and the power within the ring came from the depths of his own wicked heart. Indeed, that power could not be separated from him; it was his voice that spoke through it, and he that wielded it regardless of who held it. Galadriel’s vision could never have been accomplished, and in trying to achieve it her own heart would have been irrevocably twisted into Sauron’s image.

Galadriel’s desire was natural. She and others like her were embroiled in a war against apparently impossible odds. Fear, pain, sorrow, and death covered the world as completely as the clouds of smoke and ash belched into the sky by the enemy’s forges. Any with the courage to stand against evil found themselves beleaguered from every side.

In similar fashion, followers of Christ in the first century A.D. faced the greatest hardship they could have imagined. Choosing a life that reflected God’s character brought opposition at every turn. Confused rumors led to accusations of treason. Rejection of religious traditions drove wedges in formerly peaceful relationships, even between parents and children, husbands and wives. Refusal to follow societal customs and disapproval of pagan practices often meant businesses failed, jobs were lost, families were hungry. Punishments for standing out were often harsh, as citizenship was a privilege granted to few and without citizenship few human rights were respected.

Under such circumstances, it would have been hard to resist the urge to compromise. After all, they truly wanted to change the world into God’s image. Why not punish those who rejected Him as harshly as they had been? Why not force God’s ideals on the world instead? Why not use the tools of idolatry and materialism to become accepted back into society and make life, and teaching, easier?

The problem was that being different, living that harder life, was God’s image. Everything done to them, all the power leveraged against them, was the power and mindset of evil. Satan whispered through society just as surely as Sauron used the ring in the story. Using his tools might have felt easier, but the price would have been the destruction of everything they sought to build, would have been the loss of their very identity. Sauron could not produce anything good or beautiful because he himself was terrible. Satan cannot build anything worthwhile because he himself has rejected the source of all worth. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

Galadriel resisted the ring’s call, saying that instead of embracing power she would diminish. God’s people who resisted society’s pressure for an easy life and earthly influence apparently experienced a similar sensation of collapse as more and more landed in prison or were executed, and those who remained became outcasts. In reality, Galadriel’s act of humility regained her true greatness, the glory that had been lost in banishment from the presence of the gods. Her banishment was ended, and she returned home to the throne that should have been hers all along. God’s people who surrender control and remain content with the battle in which they are placed will also receive a greater glory than any they could seek here on earth.

James 1:11–12 (CSB): Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

The Darkest Valley

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When Moses was called to release God’s people from Egyptian servitude, he feared to obey, and the first results of his efforts seemed to justify his fear. Pharaoh was so incensed by the challenge to his perceived authority that he responded with harsh punishment. Beatings, killings, and impossible expectations made the Israelites utterly wretched. Moses, who himself remained untouched, was forced to watch these consequences of standing for God, feel the pain his people endured. In addition, he became a pariah to those God sent him to rescue; the familiarity of slave life, of being treated as inferior or as beasts of burden, was more palatable than the cost of freedom.

What would have happened if Moses had told God His freedom was too hard? Had returned to shepherding in the wilderness and left the Israelites to their familiar drudgery?

Because Moses faithfully walked through the shadow of suffering with his people, eventually even Pharaoh suffered enough from his behavior that he granted freedom, at least temporarily. Like all egomaniacs, however, as those who had been under his thumb stood on the brink of escape, he reached out to trap them again. Once again, Moses had to watch the darkness of evil falling around the people he loved, and endure their panicked blame. It seemed that every action taken in the direction God sent put them all in a deeper valley of hopelessness.

What would have happened if Moses had told the people to give themselves up? If he had decided the assignment was impossible and that life in slavery was better than promises that came with fear?

When Pharaoh’s army had been drowned and the Sea had been crossed, Moses faced the task of leading a nation through cultivated lands populated by military powers who would not share, through wild lands where no food could be found, and through deserts that parched throats without relief. Over and over he watched his charges face death on the path God had chosen for them, wept for their suffering, and endured accusations from people who found dehumanization and subjugation more palatable than scrabbling for their own necessities in freedom.

What would have happened if Moses had bowed in defeat in the desert? If he had decided the hunger and thirat and recriminations were too much to bear and left the Israelites to throw themselves on the mercy of their enemies?

“Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me;… you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…” Psalm 23:4,5

What would happen if, when threatened for following the path God set, we kept walking? What would happen if, when punished for speaking God’s challenge to evil, we kept talking? What would happen if, when hardship and death loomed because we stepped out in faith, we trusted Him to give us life? What would happen if, when in our darkest valleys, we chose to look at the Son?

Reality Fiction

All my life, I was given the advice to write what I knew and only what I knew. For a long time I thought that meant I should only write about real life things that I had experienced personally, and disagreed with the sentiment strongly. Such an approach to creation stifles imagination, and doesn’t allow for the capacity of the human mind to learn from the experiences of others. Over the years, as I have matured and experienced more of life, I have come to understand that this interpretation could not be farther from the truth.

Have you ever watched a child play? Who do they become? What experiences do they act out? At my house we usually get a blend of superheroes, cartoon characters, and book people. These favorites fight a conglomeration of enemies, get married, hold jobs, have children, and travel. They squabble about things of childish importance with admirably melodramatic adult emotions. This is human creation, taking what we recognize and blending it all into an expression of who we are.

This is writing fiction. Even if a book is about impossible creatures or set in outer space or full of unhistorical characters, it is a reflection of reality. Every headline, every story, every image, every interaction, every moment that left an impression on the writer bleeds onto the page of a new story. Every character holds pieces of the writer and of everyone he or she recognizes in real life. Perhaps those influences are carefully and intentionally journaled. More likely they simply become so much of a part of the writer that he or she subconsciously transfers them to the page.

Write your mage who doesn’t know which side of a conflict to join. Write your space battles between aliens so entrenched in their own ideas they can’t understand each other. Write your sweet but strong-willed heroines, and your misunderstood villains. Write the argument you had with your friend into a flirtatious budding romance. Write your snuggles with your child into a hero who longs for family. Write what you know, and create what everyone can recognize: reality fiction, the human story.

Love

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Peter wrote to early Christians during a time of relentless persecution. Those who claimed the name of Christ were surrounded by neighbors and authority figures who wanted them dead, exterminated with no memory of their existence. The pressure had begun to wear on the faithful of God, inciting rage and resentment toward their enemies and causing tension even among themselves.

Rather than giving in to such feelings, Peter urged the beleaguered Christians to uphold a higher choice. By responding to attackers with anger, they merely fueled the hatred directed toward them, proving the accusations of their enemies. Instead they were to be respectful of their haters, remaining free of the trap in which their enemies had already fallen. They were simply to live their lives, keeping God in focus and demonstrating His love. If a slavemaster bullied them, they needed to be sure they had given no excuse by rebellion or poor work; the slavemaster was wrong, but they should not be. If a woman followed God but her husband did not, she was not to create a wall in their marriage over it. Instead she was to offer him all her love and trust, be a quiet irresistable strength for him. Men were not to be tyrants over their wives, even in spiritual matters, but were to be gentle and respectful of their partners in life.

If they were to hold such character toward their enemies, their relationship with each other as the followers of Christ was to be infinitely more precious and protected. They were to live in harmony with each other. Harmony in music is something that nearly everyone understands; it requires many different notes being played together in such a way that each is beautified and enriched by the others. These Christians were individuals with different cultural and religious backgrounds, different preferences and styles, different experiences, and often different understandings of spiritual matters. Instead of arguing about their differences, they were to use them to create a beautiful melody that could not be ignored even in the face of great terror. Their love and compassion for each other, and for their enemies, would provide the strength to stand for truth without rancor against an onslaught of suffering.

This approach is difficult for most. Human love is often limited by an instinct for self-preservation and exaltation. We want others to sacrifice for us, become what makes us comfortable, believe what we tell them without question, and so on, while the same asked of us is offensive. There is no room for understanding of or compassion for another’s struggle when that struggle makes us uncomfortable, yet the example of our Savior is weighted heavily in the opposite direction. To follow Him each one of us must be willing to wear another’s shoes. Respect between us as humans must be mutual, regardless of human differences. Sacrifice for other humans must be mutual between God’s faithful, and weighted against ourselves when dealing with lost souls.

The love of our Savior sacrificed everything to show hope to the hopeless, peace to the raging, love to the hateful. It did not seek to condemn souls, but to change them. It challenged them, pushed them, even rebuked them sharply when necessary, but most of all it called them by its very existence. It, He, understood the depth of human failure and used the deepest horror of it to display perfection. To display love. How can we do otherwise?

“You Don’t Know Me”

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“Truly, I tell you, we speak what we know and we testify to what we have seen… No one has ascended into Heaven except the one who descended from Heaven – the Son of Man.” John 3:10, 11

“You don’t have his word residing in you, because you don’t believe the one he sent. You pore over the scriptures because you think you have eternal life in them, and yet they testify about me.” John 5:38-39

Between the recording of the prophets’ messages and the coming of Christ, the Jews learned to avoid the obvious false gods and maintain temple worship. Admonished by God’s judgement of insincerity, they sought to ensure never to deserve such an accusation again. Rather than passing off whatever they didn’t want, they micromanaged offerings down to calculating tithes even down to the smallest grain of spice. Rather than complain about observing inconvenient laws, they argued and fought over who could be the most specific about how to obey. Synagogues were built where copies of the law and prophets were housed in state and teachers drilled endless litanies of rules into the heads of the general population. Factions and subfactions developed as pride and ambition led leaders to insist on their own interpretations and specifics to laws that God had expressed only broadly. Resentment of unchecked oppression by enemies of God was transmuted into rabid insistence that God would raise up a warrior king to crush them and form a Jewish empire to rule Earth.

When, after centuries of relative silence from God, miracles greater than any performed by former prophets began to flood Judea, these pedantic and self-absorbed leaders could not face the admission that they had been wrong. Every shred of their status and power had been built upon their micromanagement of God’s precious gift, and the sight of God in the flesh flouting their entire national structure was too much for them.

They looked the Lord and Savior of all in the eye and challenged his right to perform the miracles they could not deny. They wrapped scrolls of copied scriptures in the trappings of deity but denounced the source of those words as a criminal for not meeting their mortal expectations. Rather than argue with them, he simply and sadly acknowledged that they didn’t know him. How could they? Blinded by human concerns, they had never seen him; determination never to be rebuked again, to be completely in control of their earthly presentation, had killed any possibility of recognition. Their own version of God had become their new idol; obedience to Christ meant disobedience to that idol, and they killed him for it.

“Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord,” will enter the kingdom of Heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in Heaven. On that day many will say to me, “Lord, Lord, didn’t we prophesy in your name, drive out demons in your name, and do many miracles in your name?” Then I will announce to them, “I never knew you.” Matthew 7:21-23